The Top 10 Worst Things Leaders Do on the Social Dance Floor

Social dance floor

I asked a few of my very experienced female swing dancer friends about the most annoying things that leaders (mainly guys) do on the social dance floor.  It wasn’t long before we came up with a list of ten.

So, leaders, check your egos at the door and read on… Here is a list of the top ten most annoying things that follows say leads are doing on the social swing dance floor.


The Top Ten

1. Causing Harm

A leader’s first priority should be the same as a physician’s: do no harm.  If you want to guarantee that a follow will never dance with you again, tweak her arm hard during a Texas Tommy.  She’ll probably tell all of her friends too.  Leaders should be clear but gentle in their leads.

2. Ick! Too Much Sweat!

I’ve seen follows come off the dance floor with their shirts or blouses wet with sweat.  The gross part is, it’s not their sweat!  Leaders who sweat a lot should bring an extra shirt, or two, or three, or four, or whatever it takes, plus bring a small towel or handkerchief.  Or, sit out a few and cool down between dances.

3. Not Looking Out for Your Partner or Other Dancers

When there is a collision on the dance floor, it’s usually the leader’s fault.  Simple as that. Sometimes it’s due to inexperience, but other times it’s due to the leader intentionally showboating or being careless.  Leaders need to look where they are leading their partners and make sure not to send her into harm’s way.

Leaders should also be careful not to bump into or step on other dancers.

4. “Manhandling” Instead of Leading

There is a difference between leading clearly and manhandling.  Proper leading comes from the frame and movement of your body, not the sheer strength of your arms (more Fred Astaire, less Arnold Schwarzenegger).  Also, when leading a turn, do not stir the follow around. Simply cup your hand above her forehead and she will easily spin in place.

5. Having Bad Breath / Bad Hygiene

It’s probably not a good idea to have that onion Limburger cheese sandwich right before going swing dancing.  Get some gum or mouthwash, or brush if you make this mistake. Same deal for general hygiene.  Hopefully, ‘nuff said. This could apply to leaders and followers.

6. Unclear / Limp Leading

This is the other end of the bad leading spectrum. It’s more of a mistake that beginners would make due to lack of experience. Needless to say, the lead should be clear. No spaghetti arms for leads or follows.

7. Unwanted Staring / Touching / Grabbing… Being Creepy

This is actually a serious issue that has gained more attention recently due to instances of sexual misconduct in the Swing scene. Hopefully it’s self-explanatory. Swing is a not a “bump and grind” kind of dance (unless it’s some intentional choreography in a contest or something). I don’t think this type of behavior will be tolerated or excused like it was before. It’s about time. Treat your partners with respect and don’t be the “creepy guy” (usually it’s a male, but maybe not always) that everyone avoids. Check out this article: An Open Letter to Young Women at their First Swing Dance.

8. Not Asking to Dance Politely / Not Being Friendly

Some follows prefer not to be dragged off to the dance floor without being asked.  The preferred way is to say “May I have this dance?”  It never hurts to act like a gentleman when asking someone to dance.

Smiling and being polite are common courtesies in any social situation. But smiling is also part of the look of swing dancing. Just like you’re supposed to be serious in Tango, you’re supposed be having fun in Swing. So leaders, smile, be courteous, and show that you are having a good time dancing with your partner. You partner will be more likely to want to dance with you again if you do.

9. Unwanted Teaching

A big issue that I’ve heard from many follows (as well as many commenters on Facebook for this article) was the problem of unwanted teaching by leads. This is even worse and more insulting when the leader is less experienced than the follow.

Leaders, don’t teach unless the follow requests it! That’s the rule.

10. Not Improving After Years of Dancing

No matter what your skill level is, follows really appreciate it if you are improving and not doing the same moves year after year after year.  Get some variety in your moves.  Follows will tolerate poor rhythm in a beginner lead but it really needs to be fixed ASAP if you intend to keep dancing.  Beginner leads should take classes.  Experienced leads should go to a Swing or Balboa workshop every now and then.


Addendum – More Bad Things Leaders Do

Since I first wrote this article, it has gone viral several times and I’ve received even more examples of bad things leaders are doing. I’m adding the most common ones below:

11. Ignoring the Person You’re Dancing With

Another complaint from followers is leaders who look around the room for other people to dance with while dancing. Leaders AND followers should try to stay engaged with the person they’re dancing with. No, you don’t have to stare into each other’s eyes like in Tango, but your primary attention should be on your partner.

Reader Stephanie said:

Dancing with someone I notice not dancing WITH me (staring at others during the dance, seems annoyed, don’t seems to want to be here, …) is one of the most insulting thing for me….

12. Bumping the Follower’s Head During Turns

Reader Valerie writes:

Leaders, please take a good look at your partners height, this includes hair and clips and hair adornments. It is all a part of what you have to care for while dancing. Allow for it when doing overhead turns. Don’t get tired or lazy. Lift that arm high enough so you allow for the whole follower to pass underneath. Thankyou!

I admit I’ve accidentally done this a few times!

13. Doing Moves Above the Level of the Follower

Reader Geraldine explains this as…

Showing off by leading moves that your follower doesn’t know, so lead thinks he looks clever and experienced at the expense of embarrassing the follower! In other words be kind and judge your partners ability carefully!

Yes, I have seen this a lot!

14. Crushing the Follower’s Fingers

Reader Jag complained about guys who squeeze her fingers too hard. Guys, don’t crush her fingers!

15. Chewing Gum

Reader Wendy said:

There used to be a guy who constantly showed chewing gum in your face, with his mouth open. I pointed out one time that it wasn’t pleasant but he ignored me…. week after week!

I was in a class when a follower pointed this out as well (not about me).

16. Too Many Spins

Reader Laurie complained about leaders who…

CONSTANTLY spin me throughout the entire dance. I never get a chance to do any footwork. It’s grueling!


Conclusion

Leaders, this list may seem harsh, but it comes directly from follows, and I’ve seen a lot of this myself! If you take this as constructive advice, more followers will want to dance with you.

Also, this is NOT a scientific survey by any means, so please comment if you have a different item to add, or if you want to up vote, down vote, or concur with any item on this list.  Follows, this is your chance to be heard and help leaders stop bad habits without offending anyone.

And leaders, you’ll have happier partners who want to dance with you more often if you avoid these bad habits, so take notice!

Is this list too harsh?  Not harsh enough?  What did we miss?

Finally, a word of thanks to the follows who contributed ideas to the original article (they preferred not be revealed), as well as everyone who commented below! – Brian

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Romano
Romano
1 year ago

Yes, all very true and useful to keep in mind when dancing.
Anyway I may say that while some of the listed points are applicable at any circumstances with any partners, some others could depend much on the mood of the moment, level of confidence between the dancers and so forth; from my personal experience, keeping a constant appreciating eye contact with the partner – regardless the role – is a must to end a ball round satisfactory for both. I mean it because I often find myself guilty for acting the opposite. Good luck!

Brad
Brad
4 years ago

I think “Unwanted Teaching” applies equally to followers as it does leaders. Leaders are under a lot of pressure as beginners, and while it’s not always fun to dance with an inexperienced leader, unwanted teaching is not constructive and will often discourage them from putting in the effort to improve.

maryann mazza
maryann mazza
4 years ago

Wow so true. I wish this could be published all over!

Laurie Farina
Laurie Farina
4 years ago

My number one peeve is the guy who holds his thumb tightly on the back of my hand so it pulls my arms, and torques my knees as he CONSTANTLY spins me throughtout the entire dance. I never get a chance to do any footwork. It’s grueling!

Wendy
Wendy
4 years ago

Every point made here is so imporant!
It’s a Brilliant and helpful list. Very well written! I stopped dancing at one place because some issues were never addressed by the teacher: I would get my arm yanked off, hand crushed by strong thumbs, plus ever other point mentioned.
One that hasn’t been mentioned; there used to be a guy who constantly showed chewing-gum in your face, with his mouth open. I pointed out one time that it wasn’t pleasant but he ignored me…. week after week!

Sharon
Sharon
4 years ago

Could not agree more!

Leah
Leah
4 years ago

Not respecting a declined invitation to dance. Nothing is creepier and makes me want to dance with you less than a lead reaching for after I’ve said no. I might want a break, I might be dancing with someone else, maybe I’ve seen the way you lead and would rather not. Whatever the reason, it’s called ASKING for a dance.

Geraldine
Geraldine
4 years ago

Showing off by leading moves that your follower doesn’t know, so lead thinks he looks clever and experienced at the expense of embarrassing the follower! In other words be kind and judge your partners ability carefully!

Valerie
Valerie
4 years ago

Leaders, please take a good look at your partners height, this includes hair and clips and hair adornments. It is all a part of what you have to care for while dancing. Allow for it when doing overhead turns. Don’t get tired or lazy. Lift that arm high enough so you allow for the whole follower to pass underneath. Thankyou!

Stéphanie
Stéphanie
4 years ago

I agree with all theese items on the list!

But I would add that almost all of them should apply to followers too! ;)

I love that you put the “teaching” on this list! Social dancing is not about getting better and giving advise… it’s about having fun with another human being! :)

And yeah… dancing with someone I notice not dancing WITH me (stairing at others during the dance, seems anoyed, don’t seems to want to be here, …) is one of the most insulting thing for me….
I would even put this one before the “not improving” ’cause I think not everyone wants to improve and some people are satisfied where they are and have fun. For me, it’s the number one rule!!!! (This… and not breaking your partner! ;P )